Dear Devoted Reader, Yesterday I was exposed to the intricacies and intimacies of a colonoscopy. If you don't know what that is think: 6 foot long tube and laying our your left side while trying not to sing "moon river" too loudly. Even worse I had to endure an endoscopy as well - that's a 4 foot long tube sneaking down the entry end of the digestive tract. All in all, I was tubed. You might say I was fortunate because I was given a general anestetic (can't spell that) but I had a nasty reaction to that and barfed up all sorts of nasties. I don't remember that but I DO remember the recovery and it wasn't FUN.

Now that you're totally grossed out....

They say I've got a herniated something or other and an ulcer-like thingy that isn't really an ulcer and something called Diantishingy. Whatever! Short version: I gotta eat better, lower my stress and lose 20 pounds. I already knew that so what was the point of being scewered by a sadistic television camera and two nurses who should have been named "bubba"? Okay - well they didn't find the big scary "C" word and whatever biopsy they took is like 90% likely to be benign. Guess I can breathe easier.

So much for breathing easier. I had to drink a full GALLON of laxative and starve myself from Monday at 5 until yesterday 4 p.m. Gallons of fun. Buckets of laughs. It should make YOU feel better just knowing you don't have to endure this procedure. I'm contributing to the betterment of society by suffering this indignity on your behalf.

Don't you feel special now?

I've gotta go now - no pun intended. (Don't forget to click the "comment" button and type, unless you're too busy drinking laxatives in which case I UNDERSTAND!)